The Inevitable Lessons of Love and Growing Up

A story we all wish we could tell our children

History repeats itself. It always does.
It doesn’t matter how many people have lived it, warned about it, or tried to guide you around it.

You’re still going to walk straight into it.

As parents, we do everything we can to point our kids in the right direction. But eventually, the choice is theirs. And when it comes to relationships… heartbreak isn’t a possibility… It’s a guarantee.

If I could give my child, or any child, advice about love, it would be this:

Your first love will hit the hardest.
And it will be the hardest to let go of.
But don’t get stuck there. Don’t stay in something that’s toxic or headed nowhere just because it once felt right.

Then comes the unicorn… the one you swear got away.
For years, you’ll believe you missed your chance. That you lost something rare.

Until one day… you see them again.

And it hits you, clear as day, you didn’t miss anything at all.

After that come the floating years.
Short relationships. Quick attachments. High highs, low lows.
You might circle back to your first love… or chase the unicorn again, hoping for a different ending.

You won’t get one.

Eventually, something shifts.
You get tired of the cycle.
That’s when you start focusing on yourself… your work, your future, your direction.

And here’s where it matters:

The right woman won’t pull you off your path.
She won’t compete with your purpose.

She’ll stand next to it.

She’ll support you, push you, and make sure you don’t lose sight of where you’re going.

This is the time to lock in.
Build something. Save your money. Create a life that gives you freedom later on.

Because none of that happens by accident.

The hardest part of all of this?
Walking away from people you were sure were meant for you.

That’s where the real pain lives.

Listen to the advice. Lean on the people who actually care about you. Let it hurt, but don’t let it keep you stuck.

Because here’s the truth no one escapes:

We’ve all been through it. Every single one of us.
And no matter how much we try to guide you… it won’t stop it from happening.

History doesn’t care.

You’ll go through it. You’ll feel it. You’ll learn the hard way… just like we did.

And one day, you’ll find yourself on the other side of it…
Giving the same advice.

As a friend. A brother. A father.

And realizing, for the first time, how hard it is to watch someone you care about walk straight into a lesson you know they have to learn on their own.

Waiting in Queue of Life

You ever sit on hold during a phone call or stuck in a drive-thru line and start thinking, this is taking way longer than it should?

You check the clock. You shift in your seat. You start debating… Do I hang up? Do I pull away? Or do I just keep waiting?

Lately, that’s exactly what my life feels like.

Like I’m in a queue. Waiting.

Waiting on answers about my health. Waiting on doctors to decide what comes next. Waiting on someone else to come up with a plan for my life.

I’ve done everything I’ve been asked to do… and I’m still here.bStill waiting.

And then there’s the bigger question that creeps in when things get quiet…

Where am I actually going? How long is it going to take to get there?

And the one that hits the hardest… Do I ever get there at all?

Because I don’t mind working. I never have. I love cooking. I love creating. I love giving people something they enjoy.

But right now? I don’t get to do that.

And maybe one day I will again. Maybe I’ll get back to doing what I’m good at, what I love.

But until then… I’m stuck in the queue.

And the longer I stand here, the more I start thinking about everything I’m missing.

Not just retirement, that fantasy we all chase like it’s guaranteed, but the simple things: Travel. Time with people who matter. Sitting in a chair with a book and no interruptions.

I see people my age doing those things… and yeah, there’s a little jealousy there. I won’t pretend there isn’t.

Because while they’re moving forward… I’m still waiting for my number to be called.

They say timing is everything. That everyone’s opportunity comes at a different moments.

Maybe that’s true. But waiting has a way of messing with your head.

It makes you compare timelines. It makes you question your path.

And if you sit there long enough… it starts to break your faith in the whole process.

People love to say, “Be patient. Trust the process.” But what if the process never calls your name?

So then you start asking different questions…

Is this time supposed to be preparation? Am I building something while I’m stuck here?

Because if I’m being honest… I don’t feel prepared for some peaceful, easy life down the road.

And that’s when the hardest truth shows up. We love to blame external factors, bad timing, bad luck, things outside our control.

And sure, some of that is real. But not all of it. Some of the reasons I’m still in this line?

They’re mine. Bad decisions. Wasted money. Choices that felt small at the time but stacked up over years.

Nothing intentional. But real, nonetheless. And those things? They don’t just disappear.

They stand right in front of you… holding your place in line.

So for now… I stay on hold. In the queue.

Not because I love it. Not because I believe in it.

But because I don’t know what happens if I step out of it. And maybe that’s the real question… How long do you stay in line before you finally decide… to hang up?

Growth Over Ego

The moment you stop defending… is the moment you start improving

“I used to think being right meant I was winning. Turns out, it just meant I wasn’t learning.”

Back in the 90’s, my family owned a small dive bar in Follansbee, West Virginia. Behind the bar hung a simple sign:

“Politics, religion, and high school football are prohibited.”

Not because those topics weren’t important, but because they were guaranteed to turn a conversation into an argument, and an argument into something worse. Everyone had an opinion. More importantly, everyone believed theirs was the right one.

Looking back now, that sign wasn’t really about avoiding conflict.
It was about managing ego.

And ego shows up everywhere.

It shows up in business.
It shows up in leadership.
It definitely shows up when you’re dealing with people.

I’ve seen it firsthand with staff over the years. You can explain exactly how you want something done… clearly, repeatedly, and still watch people default back to their own way. It’s easy in those moments to think, “They’re not listening.”

But growth forces you to ask a harder question:
“Am I communicating this in a way that actually connects?”

Because leadership isn’t about being right. It’s about being understood.

Before owning a business, I spent time in law enforcement. And like a lot of people in that field, confidence comes with the territory. You have to trust your instincts and make decisions quickly.

But there’s a fine line between confidence and ego.

If I’m being honest, there were times I didn’t think I was wrong, often enough to cost me opportunities to learn. And I saw others take it even further, where being right wasn’t just a belief… it was their identity. And that’s a dangerous place to live.

Because the moment your identity is tied to being right, you stop being open to being better.

One of the best reminders I’ve come across didn’t come from business or law enforcement… it came from the mats.

At my jiu-jitsu gym, there’s a decal on the front door:

“Leave Your Ego At The Door.”

And inside one of my gis, it says:

“Flow without ego.”

You can’t learn if you’re trying to prove something. You can’t improve if you’re too busy defending yourself.

The mat has a way of humbling you real quick. It doesn’t care about your opinions, your past, or your excuses. It just shows you where you stand and where you need to grow.

That lesson applies everywhere.

In conversations.
In leadership.
In life.

There’s a quote from Charlie Kirk that fits this idea well:

“You should be constantly testing your beliefs against others. If your ideas are strong, they’ll hold up. If they’re not, you’ve just learned something.”

That’s the shift. Ego wants to win the argument. Growth wants to understand why it was wrong.

And the truth is, most of us walk around thinking we’re open-minded… until we’re challenged. That’s when ego shows up. That’s when we defend instead of listen. Someone once told me, “it’s hard to listen when your mouth is always open” They weren’t wrong.

But if you can pause in that moment, just long enough to ask, “What if I’m missing something?” That’s where real growth starts.

Not in proving a point. But in being willing to reconsider it. Because at the end of the day, being right doesn’t make you better.

Getting better does.

So the next time you feel the need to defend your position… ask yourself—are you protecting your ego, or pursuing growth?

If A Friend Asks For Help, You Help Them

Anyone who has watched the TV series Letterkenny knows the show is full of great one-liners. The kind that make you laugh, rewind, and repeat them for weeks, maybe even years.

But one line from the show has always stuck with me more than the others:

“When a friend asks for help, you help them.”

It sounds simple. Almost too simple. But the older I get, the more I realize how rare that mindset actually is.

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I take certain things in life a little more seriously than most people. But when it comes to helping friends, acquaintances, or even complete strangers, if someone needs help, I get up and go.

I wasn’t always like this. Somewhere along the road of life, something changed in me.

I think a big part of that shift came after my best friend took his own life. Losing someone like that forces you to look at the world differently. It makes you pay attention to the quiet struggles people carry. It makes you realize how important it is to show up for people.

I know one thing without a doubt, Mikey was always there. No matter what, if anyone needed help, he showed up.

I just wish we all could have been there for him when he needed us the most.

That’s when I started my Acknowledge. Care. Tell. page and got my QPR certification so I could help others who might be struggling. Most of that work focuses on mental health, but the truth is helping people doesn’t stop there.

If someone needs help, physical, emotional, whatever…. I try to be there.

A best friend bought a new house and needed a massive stair chair lift removed. The kind of job that makes you question your life decisions halfway through it. Heavy, awkward, and absolutely miserable to move.

But he asked for help. So I showed up.

Another time a friend got his truck buried deep in a mud hole in the woods in Fernwood Forest. His call for help came at 2 a.m. Most people would roll over and let that phone go to voicemail.

Instead, I grabbed the keys to my old Toyota 4×4 and headed out into the forest to pull him out.

I even helped my brother-in-law shovel his deck after a snowstorm while I was still in a sling after surgery. Mostly so my sister wouldn’t be mad.

Because that’s the rule. When a friend asks for help, you help them.

Now here’s the part I’ve noticed over the years. Not everyone lives by that rule.

Some people won’t get off the couch. Some people suddenly become “busy.” Some people are great at accepting help but mysteriously unavailable when the roles reverse.

And I’m not saying that to complain. It’s just something you start to notice if you pay attention. You quietly keep a mental note of who shows up… and who doesn’t when the bat signal goes out.

But here’s the thing. You shouldn’t help people because you expect something in return. You help because it’s the right way to live.

And if there’s one piece of advice I can give anyone reading this, it’s this:

If a friend asks for help… you help them.

It might be inconvenient. It might be heavy. It might be 2 a.m. in the woods.

But showing up for people is one of the simplest and most powerful things we can do in this life.

Pet Peeves — The Sequel Nobody Asked For

Every once in a while I revisit my list of daily irritations, mostly to confirm that I haven’t become irrational… and unfortunately, the evidence suggests I have not. The world simply keeps providing new material.

My newest pet peeve?
People who know exactly what needs to be done… and simply choose not to do it.

At the restaurant, every storage room, prep room, and office door has a sign that clearly reads: “KEEP SHUT.” Not hidden. Not vague. Not written in ancient hieroglyphics, however, sometimes written in Spanish! Big, readable, impossible-to-misunderstand English.

And yet, without fail, doors are left wide open like we’re hosting a grand tour.

This isn’t a training issue. It isn’t confusion. Everyone knows the rule. They walk past the sign, open the door, do what they need to do… and then apparently lose all memory of how doors work on the way out.

What fascinates me isn’t the mistake, everyone forgets sometimes. It’s the consistency. Different people. Different shifts. Same result. It’s as if responsibility evaporates the moment someone crosses the threshold.

Running a business teaches you a strange truth: the hardest part isn’t big decisions. It’s getting people to do small, obvious things repeatedly.

My second pet peeve lives online.

When I post a rant, a blog, or ask for information, there is always an army of people ready to offer advice…. many of whom clearly didn’t read the original post or the twenty comments explaining the situation already.

Now, some advice is genuinely helpful. I appreciate thoughtful input. But a large portion feels less like helping and more like an assumption that I somehow arrived at adulthood incapable of basic reasoning.

Somewhere along the way, social media created the belief that reading something requires responding to it. Whatever happened to simply thinking, “Interesting,” and continuing to scroll?

Yes, I could avoid the irritation by not posting at all. But I don’t believe the solution to annoyance is silence. Sharing thoughts, experiences, and even frustrations is part of being human.

Still, I can’t help but wonder when we decided that every opinion requires an audience and every audience member requires a microphone.

Welcome to Social Media: Where Everyone Talks and Nobody Listens.

Social media is a lot like Peter Parker’s famous lesson, with great power comes great responsibility.

At least, that’s what it started as.

For me, social media was originally about connection. Keeping in touch with friends and family. Networking. Creating group pages where coworkers, relatives, and communities could actually communicate and help each other. It felt useful. Positive. Almost… wholesome.

Then the pages multiplied.

“I’m From This Town” groups. Neighborhood watch pages. Crime alert feeds. Jeep groups. Toyota groups. BMW groups. Hobby communities. Local discussion boards.

And honestly? Most of them began with great intentions. Need advice on a vehicle modification? Ask the group.
See a safety issue in your neighborhood? Share it.
Want to warn people about a hazard or help someone solve a problem? Post it.

Simple. Except somewhere along the way, the problem stopped being the platform… and became the people using it.

Now, genuine questions are labeled stupid. Helpful posts get mocked. Someone trying to inform others gets buried under sarcasm, criticism, and outright bullying. Half the comments are people tearing someone down, and the other half are arguing with those people.

We’ve somehow turned community spaces into digital food fights.

Tone doesn’t translate well online. Humor gets mistaken for insults. Sarcasm becomes outrage. Someone is always offended, someone else is always furious, and the modern battle cry has become “FAFO”, usually typed by someone who has probably never confronted anyone face-to-face in their life.

Let’s be honest: most keyboard warriors wouldn’t say a single word in public. The confidence only exists behind a screen, drinking a diet Dr. Pepper.

And yet, here’s the irony, we’ll all keep using social media.

Some of us use it for genuine connection. Some to share experiences, journeys, and photos. Some to learn. Some to help.

But understand this: even your happiest moments… your vacation, your success, your progress, will attract negativity.

Not because you did anything wrong.

But because jealousy and boredom are powerful motivators for people whose biggest adventure is scrolling through someone else’s life.

Social media didn’t change humanity.

It just gave everyone a microphone.

Being “Nice” Is the Most Expensive Mistake in Business

The biggest mistake you can make in business is being nice to employees.

Some people need discipline. Some people need to be fired. And pretending otherwise is how small businesses bleed out slowly.

Post-COVID didn’t just disrupt industries, it rewired work ethic. And small businesses are paying the price for government policies that rewarded not working while punishing those who kept showing up.

You can explain expectations until you’re blue in the face. You can train, retrain, document, demonstrate, and remind. And still…. people just won’t do what’s required. They’ll do the bare minimum and convince themselves that it’s “enough.”

Meanwhile, business owners are handcuffed.

• Food specials? Forget it — cooks “can’t handle” the extra.

• Drink specials? Forget it — servers don’t want to promote anything new.

• Responsibilities and accountability? Forget it — that’s suddenly “too much.”

We survived COVID. Despite shutdowns. Despite losing half our staff. Despite every attempt to pull the rug out from under us. We made it with what we had.

And now?

What we’re left with is an employee pool that’s lazy, disengaged, and painfully lackluster.

People love to say, “You can only go up from here.”

I disagree. When you’ve been stuck at the bottom long enough, sometimes the only way forward is to bail out and find a new starting point.

Between rising rent, food shortages, delivery delays, missed orders, and the added burden placed on owners because employees simply don’t care, it’s enough to make any sane person walk away.

But here I am. Circling the eddy. No paddle. Going down with the ship. Because that’s what captains do. Because we all know sanity isn’t my strong suit!

The ABC’s of Baseball… and Life

For years, my son played travel baseball.

And during a few of those seasons, our travels took us to Aberdeen, Maryland.

What started as another stop on the travel-ball map turned into something much bigger. Not only did we face some seriously competitive baseball, but we also met a lot of great people along the way. One person, in particular, left a lasting impression on me, Billy Ripken.

Yes, that Ripken. Brother of Cal. But Billy wasn’t there to talk about stats, trophies, or highlight reels. He talked about something far more important: how to approach the game.

Billy introduced the players to what he called the ABC’s of Baseball… a simple framework, but one packed with lessons that went way beyond the diamond.

The ABC’s of Baseball

A – Abner Doubleday. The beginning. The game wouldn’t exist without him (1839).

B – Bunting. (1st learn how to hit)

C – Compete. Compete with yourself. Compete with teammates. Compete against the other team.

D – Drills. Do them right.

E – Errors. Make fewer errors than the other team and most of the time, you’ll win.

F – First pitch strike. Be ahead in the count.

G – Get better every day. Compete. Improve.

H – Hit… then hit some more.

I – Instincts. Pay attention. Learn the game.

J – Jump to the next level. Compete and get better—opportunity follows.

K – K’s. Don’t strike out. Stop swinging and missing.

L – Little things. Handle the little things and the big things take care of themselves.

M – Mistakes. Don’t make the same mistake twice. Learn from it.

N – Numbers. Play the game and have fun—don’t obsess over stats.

O – Outs. Make the routine outs.

P – Perfect practice makes perfect. Practice like a moron, you’ll play like one.

Q – Quick first step.

R – Runs. Score them or drive them in.

S – Simple. Keep it simple.

T – Thanks. Be thankful. You’re not entitled. Thank your parents, coaches, teachers.

U – Underhand flip.

V – Versatility. Learn as many positions as possible.

W – Walks. Be ready to hit, but take the bad pitches.

X – X-Factor. Give 100% honest effort. Work hard. Be thankful.

Y – Yell. Be loud. Communicate. Help your teammates.

Z – Zzzzz’s. Don’t fall asleep. Pay attention. Know what’s going on every inning.

During those long drives between tournaments, I’d go over these ABC’s with my son. Over and over. At the time, I thought I was helping him become a better baseball player.

What I didn’t realize was that these “rules” were teaching him how to be a complete competitor, on and off the field.

Then baseball ended.

High school wrapped up. Uniforms were hung up. And suddenly, real life was standing on the mound.

Fastballs came in the form of responsibility. Curveballs showed up as setbacks. And there was no coach calling time-out anymore.

But here’s the thing…

Just because baseball ends doesn’t mean the ABC’s stop applying.

Take a second look at Billy Ripken’s ABC’s, but this time, step out of the batter’s box and into the workforce. Into school. Into adulthood. Into life.

Compete.

Get better every day.

Do the little things right.

Be versatile.

Communicate.

Be thankful.

Give honest effort.

Don’t make the same mistake twice.

That’s how you earn a promotion.

That’s how you level up in school.

That’s how you grow as a person.

I relate these ABC’s to my life every single day. And my hope in sharing this is simple: maybe you take something from it. Maybe you apply it yourself. Or maybe you pass it on to someone who needs it.

Because after all—

life and baseball really do go hand in hand.

Do Not Confuse Problems With Inconveniences

Somewhere along the way, we started calling every minor disruption a problem. The coffee order was wrong? Problem. The Wi-Fi is slow? Problem. You had to wait five whole minutes? Crisis. No.

That’s not a problem. That’s an inconvenience, and your life will, in fact, continue.

A problem is something that genuinely impacts your health, safety, livelihood, or well-being. A problem changes the trajectory of your life. It demands action, adjustment, or resilience. It doesn’t disappear if you sigh loudly or complain to strangers on the internet.

An inconvenience is just life tapping you on the shoulder saying, “Hey, adapt real quick.”

Why We Get This Twisted

We live in an on-demand world. Everything is fast, instant, and customized. So when something doesn’t go exactly as planned, it feels personal. Like the universe looked at your day and chose violence.

But here’s the truth: Life isn’t attacking you. It’s just… being life.

When we treat inconveniences like problems, we waste emotional energy, patience, and perspective. We start reacting instead of responding. And suddenly, small stuff feels heavy, exhausting, and overwhelming.

That’s not strength, that’s burnout in yoga pants.

The Cost of Confusing the Two

When every inconvenience is labeled a problem: Stress levels skyrocket. Gratitude quietly exits the building. Perspective gets replaced by frustration. Real problems don’t get the attention they deserve.

You can’t solve real issues when you’re emotionally drained by things that don’t matter tomorrow…. like not getting your party of eight sat immediately at the restaurant during peak hours!

Reframing the Moment

Next time something goes sideways, ask yourself: Will this matter next week? Does this require a solution or just patience? Is this uncomfortable… or actually harmful?

If the answer is patience, congratulations, you’re not facing a problem. You’re being asked to grow up emotionally for about 10 minutes.

Real Problems Deserve Real Focus

Save your energy for the things that truly matter: Your health. Your relationships. Your integrity. Your future. Those are worth the stress, the planning, and the fight.

The rest? That’s just life being mildly annoying. And honestly… it’s kind of good practice.

Because if you can stay calm through inconveniences, you’ll be unstoppable when real problems show up.

Intelligence, Common Sense, and the Lie of “Feels Like”

We can all agree on one universal truth:

There are very intelligent people in the world… and there are people who make you question how warning labels became necessary.

Now here’s the twist, high intelligence does not automatically come with good decision-making or even basic common sense. Some of the smartest people I’ve met couldn’t navigate a grocery store without permanent emotional damage.

There are ways to make yourself smarter…. reading, questioning, thinking critically, learning how things actually work. And then there are ways to slowly sabotage your own intelligence.

Which brings me to my annual winter rage-inducer: weather reports.

The Weather Channel. Weather apps.

Local forecasts delivered with the confidence of someone who has never been held accountable. Weather people are fascinating and should be studied. They are often wrong, always vague, and somehow completely immune to job insecurity. If I was wrong that often at my job, I’d be replaced by a cardboard cutout. (Wait, this can be re-visited later)

But the phrase that really sends me spiraling is this:

“It feels like 20 degrees.”

First of all, what does that even mean? If it feels like 20 degrees… then it’s cold. Congratulations. You’ve described cold.

But it is not 20 degrees. “Feels like” is not temperature. It’s a vibe, a cold one at that but not an actual temp!

Wind chill, humidity, cloud cover, these are real factors, yes. But they do not rewrite physics. Temperature is temperature. It’s measurable. It’s factual. It’s not based on how dramatic your face gets when you step outside.

Let’s take this nonsense back to science class for a second.

Water freezes at 32°F. Water boils at 212°F. Not feels like 32. Not resembles 212. So if it “feels like” 32 degrees and your water isn’t freezing… maybe, just maybe, it’s because it’s not actually 32 degrees.

Wild concept, I know.

Imagine telling a scientist:

“Well, the water feels like it should be boiling.” Cool story. Still not boiling.

So why don’t we just do this instead: If it’s 20 degrees, say it’s 20 degrees. If wind chill makes it miserable, explain why it’s miserable, don’t rename reality.

Because when water is boiling, the temperature is 212 degrees.

It doesn’t feel like it. It is.

And confusing perception with fact is a great way to stay confidently wrong.