The Paradox of Stress: How The Paradox of Stress: How Elimiating It Can Create More

Stress is often labeled as the villain of modern life. We dedicate enormous amounts of energy to managing, reducing, or outright eliminating it. From mindfulness apps to yoga classes, the pursuit of a stress-free life has become a near impossible feat. Where does your stress come from? Work Stress. Family Stress. Worrying about the future Stress. Financial Stress. Health Stress.

The pursuit of perfection: In our efforts to remove stress, we often fall into the trap of perfectionism. The idea that life should be calm, organized and free of discomfort sets an impossibly high standard. Especially, when you’re surrounded by a support system that only half supports you. Eliminating stress is extremely stressful! We need to learn to let go. We can not manage everything and we need to delegate our duties to others. Sure, employees won’t do it the way you do it, but you need to allow them to take the burden off of you. If your stress is health related, then you need to pay attention to your body and let yourself relax and make the necessary changes that are needed. The basic approach to stress reduction often involves turning relaxation into another stressful job. Don’t let what was meant to be a relief become another source of pressure.

Stress, frustration, and anxiety are often treated as emotions to avoid at all costs. The solution isn’t to stop managing stress altogether, but to shift our perspective. Don’t look at stress as an enemy, look at it as the warning signal to take a step back and relax. We can view stress as an inevitable part of the human experience, one that we can learn to navigate rather than eradicate. Holidays bring unnecessary and unwanted stress to us all. As we age, we must remember to change with the times. “no matter how fast your are, you can not out run time” Trying to keep up with the norm, is a stressful and tiring event we all usually fail at. There must come a time in your life when you shrink your circle and surround yourself with a more adept and supportive team.

We will always create more stress trying to reduce it. Find balance and resilience and don’t let stress by your enemy. Stress can be a teacher, a motivator and an ultimate reminder of our humanity.

Loyalty or Hypocrisy, It’s Your Choice

It’s inevitable, in life we are going to encounter others who will talk badly or negatively towards a close friend or family member. What you do when this occurs will define the type of person you are.

Whether it’s gossip, criticism, or outright lies, hearing such talk can feel unsettling. You have two options when faced with this behavior.

Option 1: You can use your loyalty to your friend or family member to defend them gracefully. Assess the situation. Stay calm. Set clear boundaries. Defend with facts not emotion. Know when to walk away. Always support your friends and family!

Option 2: Do nothing at all and allow the negativity to continue while not coming to the aid of your loved ones.

Flip the script and imagine you are being talked about or gossiped about and step into your feelings and wonder if any of your close friends or family members would come to your defense and stand up for you.

Defending a friend or family member against negative talk requires a balance of assertiveness, tact, and empathy. By standing up for your loved ones while maintaining composure and respect, you demonstrate both loyalty and integrity. The goal isn’t to escalate conflict but to protect your relationships and foster understanding.

Your silence proves your hypocrisy and dishonesty and ultimately shows how little you value your friends and family.

Friendships or Friend Requests: The Illusion of Connection in the Age of Social Media

When it comes to social media I have a rule. First of all, I have social media mainly to promote my business. If it were not for having a business page, I would not have a personal page at all. Turns out, you can not delete a personal page without losing your business page!

With my social media, I choose to share some of my life with a close personal group. There are many people in my life who I interact with regularly and these people are up to date with my life and lifestyle. Those people do not need to be a part of my social media followers.

You see, social media platforms have become the town hall of our lives. We share everything from personal experiences to political debates. We are constantly connected. Amidst the likes, comments and direct messages, there’s a hard truth we rarely confront. Social media has redefined and often diminished the concept of friendship.

According to Facebook, friendship is a click away. Over on Instagram, a follow is mistaken as genuine interest. TikTok, Twitter, even LinkedIn connections give us validation, but of all these people how many would show up in a moment of real need?

Society today has traded meaningful bonds with digital checkmarks. The more followers we have, the more we see ourselves as socially fulfilled. This is actually far from reality. I often wonder how isolated and lonely the people are with thousands of followers and connections. Imagine going through life with maybe one or two people you can truly connect and talk to and the rest are a click of validation in your mind.

Social media allows you to curate your finest moments, filtering out the struggles that make relationships authentic. We can call this the Highlight Reel effect! Continued comparisons to these highlight reels will leave us feeling inadequate and out of touch with reality and those actually in our lives.

General friendships thrive on vulnerability, sharing both triumphs and failures. We celebrate the good and lean on each other during the bad. Something those social connections cannot and will not provide. Digital friends are rarely there for use during times of need.

Social media makes staying in touch effortless, but there is a cost for this convenience. Sure a Happy Birthday post on your timeline may feel like a real connection, but it’s not the same as a heartfelt phone call or an in-person celebration. This convenience social media has provided reduces the effort we put into friendships.

To reclaim the essence of friendship, we must move beyond the algorithms and notifications.

Invest in Real Life Interactions
Curate Your Circle
Practice Vulnerability
Use Social Media Intentionally

I’m not saying that social media is inherently bad. It can foster connections, maintain long-distance relationships. But it’s essential to remember that a friend request doesn’t equal a friendship.

Authentic relationships take time, effort, and vulnerability, three things no app can ever replace.

Let’s make an effort to prioritize depth over breadth in our relationships. Because at the end of the day, likes and comments are fleeting, but true friendships last forever.

Pet Peeves: My Top Three Daily Irks

Name your top three pet peeves.

Seemingly trivial to some, but gut wrenching and gnawing at my patience, especially when encountered repeatedly. The three for me that stand out as my top offenders are:

Interrupting – Conversations should be a dance, and exchange of thoughts, not a verbal tug-of-war. While engaged in conversation, there’s not much more annoying than being interrupted, especially by a thief party person bulldozing the topic!
Talking with your mouth full – what’s more annoying than being interrupted? Being interrupted by someone with a mouthful of food! A lovely meal, great company, and then all ruined by a half chewed steak and garbled words! A sure way to ruin a nice dinner and conversation, is by someone attempt to speak and eat simultaneously. Table manners are thrown to the wolves, when the loud smacking and slurping is tossed in with a poor attempt to pronunciate a few words.
Lack of Interest – showing no interest is disheartening and rude and makes you feel invisible. Imagine being excited about something only to be met by stares or the glow of one’s phone screen. Like your thoughts and feelings don’t matter. Being present is a sign of respect, a little attention can go a long way in building relationships.

Trivial or not, these three are my biggest issues while attempting to communicate. Being mindful of how we interact can make a world of difference in how we connect with others.

Pricey but Worth It!

Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).

From a young age I was always on a bike, whether a BMX style bike riding around my neighborhood or a mountain bike exploring all the nearby wooded areas, biking was definitely my favorite hobby.

As I got older and found a career, biking became less and less. What did come was older age and injuries and soreness.

Wanting to get back into biking, I bought a new mountain bike. After a few rides, I realized I was extremely out of shape and struggled to get many miles of technical and hilly pedaling in.

After meeting a few guys who shared the same love of biking, I was introduced to the e-mountain bike. This was a game changer and got me back to really enjoying the pedaling of all types of terrain.

At a whopping $13,000 closer to $15000 after some upgrades and gear, many looked at me as I was crazy for spending this kind of money on a “bicycle”.

A bicycle to many, but badass hill climbing, cliff dropping, trail running machine!

It is for sure the most expensive thing I own and the most money I’ve ever spent on a personal item!

This item, even though very expensive, is worth every single penny! You definitely cannot put a price on exercise, mental health or happiness!

If you have it, spend it! If it makes you happy, buy it!! If others say you’re crazy, be crazy!

Breaking Point: Redefining Reliability; Lessons from the Bottom of the Seniority Barrel

I’m just one in a giant sea of others who bust their asses and work because:

A. We like to

B. We need to

But when is enough, enough? Like many of you out there, I’ve put in my time. I’ve worked from the age of sixteen to current age of 51.

I’ve had them all, from movie cinema ticket taker to roofer and sewer plant operator. I woke up angry, sick and hung over but still went to work. I didn’t want to, but I had to. Other than my career as a police officer, I’ve always been drawn to and attracted to the food and beverage industry.

As an officer, I went from rookie with terrible days off and no summer vacations to good days off and several weeks vacation whenever I wanted them. It may have sucked in the beginning, but you put in your time and you respect the seniority.

Same goes for the restaurant world. I’ve done every job imaginable in a restaurant and bar. I still love it and I still want to do it, but when I decided to open this business, I never believed I would be back down at the bottom of the seniority barrel.

I thought ownership would consist of chatting with customers, having a drink with some friends. Taking my wife out for a weekend dinner or having nights off to relax.

This is miles away from all actuality. Instead, I have to cover shifts, and do multiple people’s jobs on multiple different nights.

Reliability has become a thing of the past. Getting everyone to show up to work, and even more difficult, get the ones who show up to do all the necessary work is not always an easy task.

They say,

“to achieve true reliability, you must have true reliability professionals leading your efforts.”

Maybe I am at fault for the downfall or the death of reliability. Sure, I possess real-world experiences and I have certificates and a professional reputation of success, but what is it that I truly need to get the best out of the people I hire?

This question may never be answered, all I do know is, you don’t want to do it, I’ll do it! You don’t want to come in, I’ll be there. You don’t want to learn, I already know it.

But the truth is, this isn’t sustainable. Just like the police force where you earn your seniority, in the restaurant world, there has to be a moment when you can lean on your team, just as they lean on you. Maybe I expected ownership to be easier or more relaxed, but I also expected the people I hired to share my work ethic. The reality, though, is different.

I’ve come to realize that true reliability starts with accountability (TOPIC OF LAST BLOG) both from me and those surrounding me. It’s about teaching, guiding, and leading by example, but also knowing when to step back and let others rise to the occasion. After all, I can’t always be the one picking up the slack. It’s a lesson I’m still learning, but I believe it’s a crucial one for anyone in this industry or any industry for that matter.

Reliability isn’t just about showing up; it’s about being present, engaged and accountable. It’s about building a team that not only respects the work, but respects each other and the efforts that got us here.

Ditch the Excuses & Grab Some Accountability

So many people are too easily distracted and would rather shy away from challenges. It’s easy to find reasons, or rather excuses for why things don’t go the way you want. Whether you’re blaming external circumstances, other people, or bad luck, excuses are often your way of avoiding responsibility.

True growth only happens when you take ownership of your actions. Accountability is the key to success, and it begins when you drop the excuses!

Good or bad, accountability is owning the results of your actions.

It’s about accepting that you control your choices, behaviors, and responses to life’s challenges. When you’re accountable, you don’t deflect blame onto others. You stand by your decisions and are willing to face the consequences, whether they lead to success or failure.

Being accountable isn’t just about saying you’ll do something, but actually following through with consistent action.

Excuses, whether you are verbally announcing them or keeping them to yourself, they are doing nothing but killing your personal growth and opportunity in life. You use excuses to protect you from feeling uncomfortable. You may say you want the answered, however criticism is your kryptonite. Excuses are walls you build around yourself to prevent you from reaching your full capacity.

Do any of these sound familiar to you?

“I didn’t have time”

“it’s not my fault”

“they, he or she was supposed to do it”

“that’s not my job”

They may validate your moment, but ultimately they are all road blocks to your progress.

Awareness of the first step towards change. Stop focusing on why it went wrong, or why it never got done, and ask yourself what could you have done differently to solve the problem.

Take your job for example, and you hear a boss or manager tell someone that a certain task needs to be done. After a week the task still hasn’t been addressed. Are you going to make sure it gets done or are you going to fall into line with the others and make an excuse as to why you won’t step up and handle it?

Acknowledge your role in a situation and own your mistakes. Failure isn’t weakness. Failure shows you are willing at least try and others will take notice of your efforts. Would you rather be known as the person who is dependable, helpful and accountable, or the one who has all the excuses and never helps out?

Being accountable will increase your productivity and help improve your relationships whether it’s at home, on the field or at work.

Excuses might feel comforting in the moment, but they rob you of opportunity to grow, learn and succeed.

Accountability, on the other hand empowers you to take control of your life and steer toward your goals. A path to growth begins with you owning your actions and letting go of the excuses.

Challenge yourself and ditch the excuses, you will be surprised of the potential you possess and may even notice a better atmosphere surrounding you.

A Leap of Faith

What’s something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail.

Lately the idea of starting a food truck business has been weighing heavily on my mind.

Currently, I have a very busy, very successful restaurant, however, this business has become stagnant. We have plateaued, still busy, but not getting any busier. Unsure what needs to change, whether it’s personnel or menu or something I haven’t figured out yet.

I do know a full scale restaurant is very difficult to run when you have to rely on others to be responsible for some portion of the duties.

If I was guaranteed not to fail, I would walk away from this business right now and dump the money I have into a food truck business.

The idea that I would be in charge of cooking the food and ensuring all who visit will be getting consistent good food every time is both exciting and daunting, as it carries the weight of responsibility, but also the potential for great satisfaction.

I feel like this business would be as successful as my current business with the possibility of even busier. All with less overhead and frustrations of others not carrying their own weight.

With more cash coming in as less going out, this is an adventure I really want to embark on. If I had the guarantee of not failing.

Lost: The Untold Adventures of the Missing Sock

It’s one of the great mysteries of life. We buy them, they are gifted to us, but no matter what after wearing them, they will no longer be a pair.

From the moment your socks hit the laundry pile, one of them is about to embark on a journey to unknown places.

We’ve all been there. You load the laundry with a matching pair, only to pull out a single, lonely survivor from the dryer. The question we all have: “Where do they go?”

I’ve heard many theories on the subject from; “it slipped behind the washing machine”, “the dryer ate the sock” ‘ to “are you sure both went in the wash”

I do enjoy the unknown! For example, is there a laundry room gnome who likes to steal a single sock? Is there actually a black hole in the dryer that sends a single sock to the unknown abyss?

Are socks just vanishing into thin air? Or are they embarking on a great adventure?

The Great Sock Escape

Imagine tossing in your laundry, completely unaware of the secret society formed in your hamper. Socks all huddled together plotting their escape from the mundane rhythm of wash, rinse, repeat.

It starts with a brave scout, a gold toe standard that slips through the cracks as the machine swashes along. Gracefully falling to the floor, this is now what freedom feels like. Unbeknownst to you, while folding tees and towels, the gold toe has made it past your guard to start a journey through the hidden tunnels behind the appliances. Heading to the place where socks from around the world gather.

Every size and color unite to share their tales of the perils of laundry day.

There’s also Sock-topia. A new world where socks are no longer living under the shadow of shoes, but celebrating a freedom to have sock puppet parties all day long.

If your imagination doesn’t allow to believe in a sock rebellion, the rest of us are open to suggestions and tips for ensuring the safe return of the single sock.

The mystery of the missing sock may never truly be solved. Whether it’s in a secret society now living in sock-topia or just lurking in the couch or under the bed, the missing sock will always remain a reminder that even the most ordinary things have extraordinary stories.

The next time a sock goes AWOL, take a moment and smile. Somewhere out there, it’s living a life of adventure, one step at a time.

Do You Know Your Worth?

What are you worth? Do you know your worth? These questions can only be answered once you know yourself and know what kind of person you are.

Let’s start with you in a family setting. You will only know your worth once you know if you are a good son or daughter, a good sibling or a good husband or wife.

Do you provide and support your family? Check this box and you increase your value in life. You’re worthless if you cannot or will not be there for the ones you call family.

Your value goes up even more if you are an outstanding individual in your community. Honesty, integrity and compassion mean something and your peers will see great value in you if you demonstrate any of these traits.

There is not value in your life if you are a thief and or a criminal in general.

Back to supporting your family. This requires a job. Are you employed? It’s hard to provide for without employment. Unless you’re a criminal, then you already know your worth; worthless!

What’s your worth at work? Your life value increases with the type of worker you are. Do you put in the required hours? Do you show up everyday? Are you the type of worker who goes the extra mile to help the job? These types of people have high value and are worth a lot to an employer.

On the other hand, are you a worker who can’t put in a full work week? Incapable of give solid days of grinding? Would you rather sit down instead of helping out during busy times? Would you jump in for a few moments while off the clock to help out?

One of the biggest problems in knowing your worth is, most people take the lesser route and usually do not help out or go that extra mile and still think they’re the best at what they do.

To put your worth in dollar sense, you may feel like you’re worth a lot more than you actually are. Ask yourself those questions, then slap a $5 bill on your back! That could be generous for some.

Going through the motions, doing very little or anything extra will amount to you never seeing a raise, a bonus or any praise.

The high value most worthy people out there are doing it all with little to no recognition. I assume they don’t want it, because they actually enjoy being a good person.

Know yourself, then you’ll know your worth! Go the extra mile, do the work no one wants to do, do it because you are the better person, work the extra hours, days and never miss a function for your family, your worth will be astronomical but this isn’t a giant ask from your family or boss, this is an ask that comes from within your own heart and mind.