Do You Know Your Worth?

What are you worth? Do you know your worth? These questions can only be answered once you know yourself and know what kind of person you are.

Let’s start with you in a family setting. You will only know your worth once you know if you are a good son or daughter, a good sibling or a good husband or wife.

Do you provide and support your family? Check this box and you increase your value in life. You’re worthless if you cannot or will not be there for the ones you call family.

Your value goes up even more if you are an outstanding individual in your community. Honesty, integrity and compassion mean something and your peers will see great value in you if you demonstrate any of these traits.

There is not value in your life if you are a thief and or a criminal in general.

Back to supporting your family. This requires a job. Are you employed? It’s hard to provide for without employment. Unless you’re a criminal, then you already know your worth; worthless!

What’s your worth at work? Your life value increases with the type of worker you are. Do you put in the required hours? Do you show up everyday? Are you the type of worker who goes the extra mile to help the job? These types of people have high value and are worth a lot to an employer.

On the other hand, are you a worker who can’t put in a full work week? Incapable of give solid days of grinding? Would you rather sit down instead of helping out during busy times? Would you jump in for a few moments while off the clock to help out?

One of the biggest problems in knowing your worth is, most people take the lesser route and usually do not help out or go that extra mile and still think they’re the best at what they do.

To put your worth in dollar sense, you may feel like you’re worth a lot more than you actually are. Ask yourself those questions, then slap a $5 bill on your back! That could be generous for some.

Going through the motions, doing very little or anything extra will amount to you never seeing a raise, a bonus or any praise.

The high value most worthy people out there are doing it all with little to no recognition. I assume they don’t want it, because they actually enjoy being a good person.

Know yourself, then you’ll know your worth! Go the extra mile, do the work no one wants to do, do it because you are the better person, work the extra hours, days and never miss a function for your family, your worth will be astronomical but this isn’t a giant ask from your family or boss, this is an ask that comes from within your own heart and mind.

What is Success, and How Do You Know If You Are Successful?

Success is one of those elusive concepts we all chase, yet it remains different for everyone. Is it climbing the corporate ladder, or achieving / accomplishing your dream, leading a productive life or having financial freedom?

Traditionally success looks like this to most: Money – Power – Status

While society often equates success with financial prosperity, real success is far more personal. It’s about defining what matters most to you. For me, I don’t have the money or the power and what really is status?

A fulfilling career that aligns with my passion. One could say I am successful because of this. I’m not 100% sure this applies to me either. Success might also be measured in personal growth, overcoming challenges, developing new skills, or becoming more at peace with oneself. If this is the societal definition, I definitely don’t see myself as successful.

The key is to not let societal standards dictate your definition of success. “What does success look like for me?” This answer may change weekly to yearly. Meaning to me, you could be successful one day and not the other!

Defining success is not easy for me. If I could define it, I may know of I’ve achieved it or not. Take a look at the following:

• Contentment: I don’t really feel content with where my life is.

• Alignment With My Values: many may say I am authentic, however I don’t feel like I live an authentic life

• Impact On Others: There was a time I feel like I had a positive impact on others, not so much anymore.

• Freedom and Flexibility: I don’t have control over my time and I feel constrained over my choices. I can’t find time to enjoy the things that bring me joy and purpose.

Success isn’t a single point. It changes as I grow, learn, and evolve. What felt like success in my twenties does not align with my goals in my fifties. Life’s circumstances, goals, and priorities change and so should my vision of success.

At the end of the day, success is about living a life that feels meaningful to you. Whether it’s through career achievements, personal happiness, or the impact you have on others, success is deeply personal and unique to each individual.

So how do I know if I’m successful? When life reflects my most authentic self and aligns with what truly matters to me.

Therein Lies The Problem!

Tuesday Health Rant

If you have come across me lately you may have noticed that I have been a little extra grumpy. Grumpier than usual one could say. In todays rant, I’ll start with one of my issues. I was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease a while ago. I know what you are thinking; approximately 35 million Americans have CKD. Well, over the years, my CKD has gotten worse. A little history, I only have one functioning kidney, so having a worsening kidney disease is somewhat of a concern to me. There is no cure for kidney disease and the only hopes in life is to slow it down.

Slowing it down is not very easy for me. The main course of action required to help maintain or slow down the disease is a very strict diet. Here is where I struggle! I work in a restaurant where absolutely nothing on the menu is permitted in my diet. I don’t have the time to meal prep or properly shop for foods that I can eat. Yes, others have tried to help me here, however they don’t get the proper foods for me. When I say proper foods, I am not permitted to eat foods with sugars, sodium, potassium, or red meats. I am limited to a very low protein intake, mainly plant based proteins are my only source. This eliminates any and all canned foods. My diet lately has consisted of mostly plain oatmeal, some sugar free cereals and fruits and vegetables. You can imagine I am very hungry!

The problem, I have zero will power or discipline. People bring chocolate, donuts, candy and other foods to work everyday that just sit there and entice me to dive in. I also don’t have the best support system surrounding me. Yes, everyone means well and they want to help or try to help, however, the foods bought, prepared or delivered are usually 100% wrong. I still eat it knowing damn well it is making my kidney worse. I used to joke, if you donate a kidney to me, I’ll let you eat and drink for free in my restaurant for life. With my last few doctors appointments, the joke is slowing seeming more realistic. I’m A- by the way!

Next on the health agenda, I come from a long line of heart issue family members. You probably guessed it, with the bad diet, I also have high cholesterol and triglycerides. Somewhat inherited and somewhat self-inflicted I am struggling to get that down to acceptable numbers. So I’m grumpy, because I am hungry and I don’t have proper foods to eat. I’m grumpy because I have to be surrounded by all the wrong foods. I am more grumpy because I live in a society where most people don’t take others health let a lone their own health serious.

Back to that lack of will power and discipline. I’ll cave around 11pm and just order a pizza from one of the local chains. Here is where I need that support system to kick in, like Israel’s Iron Dome, come in hot and smack that pizza out of my hand! That’s a defense system I can get down with.

So instead of meal prepping, intense shopping or support, I choose to not eat. Here’s the double-edged sword though… By fasting, I put myself into ketosis. Guess what is absolutely not good for people with CKD? That’s right, ketosis! So, while I am hungry, and grumpy, I am also inching my way closer to being on dialysis and or some sort of heart disease next.

When you see me, don’t offer me a beer, a burger or a pat on the back, just know I’m going through it and will hopefully be on the other side eventually. Sometimes, support can be given by just being silent and or just taking care of yourself. I can avoid the bad foods easier if other would just do what they want without including me.

Three more months for another check up and I can only assume I will be closer to where I don’t want to be and farther from where I need to be.

Be Present

What could you do more of?

Something that eats at the back of my brain, is my presence to my wife, my family, and my job.

I wish I could be more present, I wish I could find the time, energy and availability to be present as much as my presence is needed. Does stress play a factor in our presence? By focusing on the here and now, we let go of anxieties about the future or regrets about the past.

In today’s fast-paced world, we’re often pulled in a thousand directions. My business needs me and my attention all the time, I don’t feel my current business is where is should be or where it could be, and I blame myself for this. I need to be more present and take better control of all the aspects within running a full scale restaurant.

Presence isn’t just a trendy mindfulness term; it’s a way of truly experiencing life. When we’re fully present, we’re not just physically there but emotionally and mentally engaged. This sadly, is something I am guilty of not doing when it comes to my business, my wife, and my family.

I’ve done the deep dive into myself and I really don’t have an answer as to why my presence is something I cannot find. As far back as I can tell I’ve always been a loner, someone who has a wide array of friends from all ages, but never really fit in and always felt like I was on the outside looking in.

Improving relationships, building trust, and increasing productivity are all benefits of being present in life. But how do we allow ourselves to be present?

For me it’s limiting the amount of tasks I tackle at once. Multitasking gives us a feel of productivity, when actually it scatters our focus. Technology boundaries are important and we all need to put our phones down, shit the lap tops and walk away from the television. If you want to truly be present in your life you need to set times when you can check emails, check social media, respond to text messages, after that set time put your phone down and engage with your surroundings.

Be present with the people around you. Whether you’re at a family gathering, a meeting, or just spending time with friends, engage in the conversation and resit the urge to mentally check out or pick up your phone and start browsing your social media.

There is a challenge that we are not all up to, and that is the challenge of being present. Life is full of distractions, and some moments can be painful or uncomfortable. In these instances, it can feel easier to escape into our thoughts or scroll through our phones. Being present takes practice and is a gift we can give ourselves and others. It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress. The more often we make the choice to be here now, the richer and more fulfilling our lives become.

So the next time you have that urge to start Facebook scrolling aimlessly with zero focus, take a pause, a breath and set the phone down and bring yourself back to the present moment.

Neighborhoods: Now & Then

I grew up in a, at the time, small neighborhood (Highland Hills) where everyone knew everyone type of neighborhood. As a child, I remember everyone always looking out for one another.

What I remember most, is the get togethers and gatherings. Every weekend. In someone’s back yard, if it was summer or at someone’s kitchen table if the weather was bad, groups of neighbors would come together to enjoy each others company, indulge in the adult beverage of choice and laugh well into the late night.

As I got older, my friends and I would have our own gatherings. We’d spend nights playing games, have drinks or just sitting next to a fire.

These are events you never want to lose. Get togethers you assume will be a part of your life forever.

Some people are fortunate enough to be able to continue to live in the neighborhood they grew up in. If so, I hope you are able to continue that tradition we had as children. Showing your children the same things our parents showed us.

Others, move on in life. Living in big cities, differed states and or countries or neighborhoods that don’t have the same neighborly bond we were once used to.

For example, I live in a neighborhood now, where I spent my weekend nights alone. Not quite alone, my wife is here and the dog! What I mean, is we hang in the garage, the driveway or the back yard pretty much every Saturday and Sunday night.

Neighbors just don’t gather the way they used to… or at least the neighbors close to me.

What makes me happy and sad at the same time is, I usually take my dog on a two mile walk at night. I’m happy to see while out on my walk, people gathered together in garages and backyards. The sights and sounds of that late night laughter and chatter is a reminder that no all things have gone away…. sadly though, I only get to hear the gatherings while walking. The gatherings for me, what I remember as being a staple in one’s life have gone away.

Life is funny like that. For those out there building bonds, having a laugh, a drink, or a smoke cherish those times, you truly never know when the gatherings will stop.

Parenthood: Chaos Joy and Everything in Between

Parenthood is often described as the most fulfilling journey of one’s life and it truly is, but not without its challenges, surprises, and moments of sheer chaos.

For me, I wasn’t prepared for parenthood, hell I wasn’t even in a relationship or in a time of my life I was ready to be a parent.

I remember sitting at a local bar with my buddy, when my phone dinged. The text message read something I was not prepared for!

A nurse friend sent me this, “hey, baby Basil is on the board for delivery today” that followed up by a phone call and then drunk me trying to decide if I should go to the hospital!

A few waters, a coffee and a call to my mom, my buddy and myself were off to the delivery room!

Upon arrival, we were greeted by a family member who quickly expressed my presence wasn’t welcomed. This is where being a cop was beneficial! Greeted next by my sons great aunt, we were then taken to a recovery room to see Baby Boy Basil.

The moment was surreal! Me, I am a father! Just like that, in a blink of an eye, life as you know it changes.

What came next was the chaos! At first, I wasn’t always permitted to see my son. I know what you are thinking, why didn’t you go to court and get visitation rights.

Well, I had a child with the granddaughter of the juvenile court judge. His exact words, you are both adults, work it out!

Work it out meant, by the powers vested in the state of Ohio, the mother had all the rights and my family had to beg for visitation in the beginning.

I was stable, a good job and career! Owned my home, set up everything my son would need. All for not! He rarely was allowed to stay over night, and visitations granted by them, were on the days I was working. Pretty sure that was purposely planned.

My parents had him most of the time, and I’d pop in while on duty.

Adapting to change was not the easiest, but it was something I learned to do. Days turned to months and months to years… eventually my son was headed to school.

This is where the chaos continues. Finding balance and trying to rearrange my schedule to be a better help, a better father and there for the boy who would eventually need his father in his life.

Up until the age of 9 the control was out of my hands. Luckily for me, my son found travel baseball and the demanding constant travel and training was too much for mom to handle. This is where I make up my time, this is where my son becomes my son and is with me the most!

Five years of traveling the east coast and partially to the west, we had road trips, hotel stays and a bond that could not be broken. Or at least until all the sports ended!

High school years started and my son decided he was no longer interested in sports.

Still a stable father with a home, a wife and a room 100% dedicated to a child who will never sleep in it.

Despite the lack of time I get to spent with my child, I still revel in all the joys I have had with him. All the car time, the stadiums we’ve played in that most people will need to pay admission to see, the sights and places we’ve visited together along the way, I’ll cherish those moment for the rest of my life!

While milestones are important, it’s often the small, everyday moments that hold the most magic. I’ll never forget a time we were out to dinner, just he and I sitting in a local restaurant, I believe he was around 8 or 9 years old. It was cold out and he was wearing a toboggan. I made a comment about how silly he looked and the laughter that came next would have people in the restaurant laughing with us!

I had wonderful times with my son, I just don’t have all the time with my son. There is a level of control and influence I will never have. He is more influenced elsewhere and because of this, I still have an empty bedroom in my house for the one day he may return!

Parenthood isn’t easy, and it’s a journey that comes with its share of highs and lows. But at the heart of it all is the unconditional love that grows between you and your child. No matter how difficult the day may seem, that love is always there, anchoring you through the chaos.

Run: Never, Walk Often

How often do you walk or run?

A new found exercise for me, mainly caused by acquiring a new dog. After a year and half without a pet, we made the decision to again be dog parents.

A high energy German Shepherd requiring a lot of playtime, I find myself walking a lot more often than I ever have.

Realizing the amount of walking I’ve been doing: morning, noon and night, I started using my Strava app to record walks. Typically I’ve only used Strava to record bike rides, but now it has become a tool for measuring my walks.

I am averaging 30 miles a month in walks! I’m not always up for a walk, but the dog needs it and if we plan on getting any sleep, he needs wore out! At least I’m staying healthy with the new pet!

Imagine IF

Imagine if you were driven! Imagine if you had a desire to be the best at what you are doing! It doesn’t matter if you are young or old, it doesn’t matter if you are living day to day trying to figure it out or if you are studying to become something you imagined you’d be good at. What matters is, no matter what your current role in life is, you should tackle that role as if your life depends on it!

Imagine if, you were tasked to do a job, a well paying job, where you were making very good money, but you didn’t see yourself doing this particular job for a living. Do you think you will be successful at what you actually want to do, if you can’t even make a decent effort at the job you currently have to help you get by for the moment?

Imagine if, you were so naive you took everything given to you for granted and burnt every bridge of opportunity to the ground! Do you wake up thinking you deserve it all? I hate to break it to you, you don’t deserve anything, you need to earn your spot in life! Whether it is seeking a job in your field of study, or if it is a job you are fortunate enough to have at the time being. You need to be the best that you can be, otherwise, you will eventually get the job you want, and fail at that also! You’ll fail because your work ethic is terrible and you feel entitled to have it all up front when you want it!

Imagine if, you had a boss that just let you continuously get away with subpar work. Imagine if, you trained your body, mind and soul to fail more than you succeed, then one day you find a job, a dream job but you don’t have the work ethic or mindset to actually be great, let alone good at the one job you really wanted!

Life is about training and making due with what you have! If you can’t strap in and make the best of something to help yourself or others, do you honestly think you’ll ever be good at what it is your really want to do?
Take a seat and just imagine if you actually cared about your paycheck, your job, your life, your friends, your co-workers, your schooling, your family, yourself! Imagine IF!!!!

Restaurant Ownership Regret: When Passion Turns to Pressure

Starting a restaurant was supposed to be the culmination of my love for cooking, a place where I could share my passion for food with others. I imagined myself in the kitchen, crafting each dish with care, infusing every meal with the flavors and techniques I’ve spent years perfecting. But reality has a way of reshaping dreams, and what I thought would be my culinary haven has become a source of regret.

Owning a restaurant is far different from what I envisioned. It’s not just about creating delicious food, it’s about running a business. (Which I am not very good at)

I quickly realized that the demands of ownership extend far beyond the kitchen. Managing staff, handling finances, dealing with suppliers, and ensuring customer satisfaction became my primary responsibilities. As these duties piled up, they gradually pushed me out of the kitchen.

The most difficult part has been relinquishing control over the cooking. I no longer have the time to prepare each dish myself, and I’ve had to rely on others to do the cooking. It’s a necessary delegation, but it comes with a heavy heart. I’ve found myself missing the connection I once had with the food I served, knowing each plate was a personal expression of my culinary vision.

Now, I watch as others handle the ingredients, season the dishes, and plate the meals. There’s a distance between my original intention and the final product. It’s hard not to feel that something essential has been lost in translation.

This regret isn’t about the people who work for me, they’re dedicated but not always consistent. It’s about the realization that owning a restaurant has taken me away from the very thing I love most.

Cooking used to be a creative outlet, a way to unwind and express myself. Now, it’s a source of stress, something I manage rather than immerse myself in.

I often wonder if I would feel differently had I chosen a different path, maybe a smaller, more intimate setting where I could remain the sole chef. Or perhaps a catering business, or a food truck, where I could focus on the food without the burden of running a full-scale operation. But hindsight is always clearer, and these are just musings now.

Regret is a powerful emotion, but it’s also a teacher. I’ve learned that passion doesn’t always align with business. My experience has given me a deeper understanding of what truly brings me joy in the kitchen. Moving forward, I’m trying to find ways to reconnect with that joy, whether it’s through smaller events, personal projects, or simply cooking at home.

This journey has taught me that dreams can evolve, and it’s okay to let go of one version of success to pursue another. The restaurant might not be everything I hoped for, but it’s also an opportunity to redefine my relationship with cooking. It’s a chance to rediscover why I fell in love with it in the first place.

But even in the midst of this regret, there’s a silver lining I can’t ignore. The restaurant has brought me into contact with incredible people. customers, staff, and fellow business owners who I might never have met otherwise. These connections have enriched my life in unexpected ways. The conversations, the shared stories, the sense of community that’s developed around the restaurant. These are the aspects of this journey that I will cherish for a lifetime.

Talkers Are Gonna Talk

By the time you are an adult, you should most likely already understand what type of person you are. There are two types of people in this world, well for the sake of this post, there are two types of people.

Talkers and Doers! Which are you? A talker or a doer? Most of you are talkers, and usually just pop off because you want to make yourself feel better or you want others around you to think highly of you. Here’s the truth, most of us see through your bullshit! You can only talk so much before the world realizes you are full of hot are and pointless words. Doers on the other hand, are people who not only talk about it but actually get out there and do it!

To quote an old friend of mine, “be about it, don’t talk about it”. I went on a trip one time, I talked about the trip for a weekend, then come Monday I was on a plane to Hawaii! Monday night my friend shot me a text message to meet up for happy hour and I let him know I was walking into my resort in Hawaii… That’s when he said, “you my friend are a doer, not a talker, enjoy the trip”

The point I’m trying to make, whether you want to travel, visit someone, help someone, move away, quit a job, start your own company, pick up a new hobby or start working out. No one gives a shit if you do or don’t, what people do care about is how often they have to hear you talk about the things you never do or never will do.

Do yourself and the rest of the people surrounding you a giant favor…. either Be About It, Or STOP Talking About It! Plain and simple. You will gain much more respect from your peers and co-workers if you actually do what you say your are going to do.

Like Aesops tale, “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” Eventually, everyone will stop listening to you and one day you may actually end up doing what you say and there will be no one there to appreciate, validate or join in with your adventures. The toughest part of being an adult is adulting…..