Wow, it’s hard to image life without music. My life is super emotional and every little thing effects me. My mood, my feelings, my attitude they’re all different based on the music I’m listening to.
Music finds a way to remind us of the past and the present… it’s a way to reconnect with a thought a way to reconnect with the good and the bad.
Music can slow life down and help relax, but in the same sense it can hype me up and get me ready for the worse scenario life can throw at me.
A smile, a tear, a tingle up the spine, they’re all feelings we get through music. Without music, I’d cease to exist, music keeps me real and never lets me forget how there’s a lyric for everything I’ve been through.
Many may say differently, but I do not see myself as a leader. I never felt I had leadership qualities nor the desire to be in charge. Funny thing is, I own a restaurant and force myself to be in charge.
I’ve always considered myself a grunt, a worker. I was always the guy who went out and got the job done. I may not have liked it, but I busted my butt to do the task at hand.
Does my work ethic make me a leader? That’s a question many will answer for me, because I can’t answer that. Lead by example, isn’t that the old adage? I guess with that said, I can be considered a leader, only if my work ethic is actually an example of how to do your job.
Unfortunately, myself and my 74 year old dad work our butts off all the while our employees don’t ever recognize our hard work.
Leaders lead and I just don’t feel as if I’m a good leader. My best attributes are to my ability to conquer any task put in front of me. Like I said, maybe that makes me a leader but as far as I’m concerned, I am no leader.
This evening, like every other evening, I am enduring the post – covid punishment and working the kitchen at my restaurant. You see, ever since the free government hand outs and extended handouts, small businesses were either forced to close or work extremely shorthanded.
I’m still unsure where all the workers went or how anyone is making money. All I know is workers did not come back to work for me and I am forced to cover multiple shifts and cook. This puts a strain on my normal job responsibilities.
That’s my evening. Being a line cook this evening, so my restaurant can continue to function for our community.
I know I’m a day late, but when it comes to talking about suicide, it’s never too late! September 10th was National Suicide Prevention Day. We must stop the stigma and open up about mental health, mental illness, and suicide,
Nearly ten years ago, my best friend died by suicide. We can go on and on about how he was the life of the party and the happiest person anyone ever knew. The truth is, no one ever paid attention to the real issues! No one saw the depression, the pain, and warning signs.
We as a society need to do better. Better at paying attention, better at asking for help, and better at asking if someone is ok.
I went through it all when he was gone. Loneliness, confusion, anger, unanswered questions, and personal blame.
What I found was help. Family help, friends help and online help. This is when I found the Yellow Elephant. The elephant in the room, don’t be afraid to talk about it, it’s there and we already should be talking about it. Yellow? “John 1:5: The light shines in the darkness but the darkness has not overcome it.” Semi-colon tusks, because your story is not over!
Through the Yellow Elephant I met some amazing people and learned a lot about suicide and suicide prevention. I got my QPR certification. Like CPR, for a medical emergency, I learned QPR, for mental emergency.
Q: Question P: Persuade R: Refer
I created a Facebook page, Acknowledged Care Tell – ACT.
This is a safe place where anyone is welcome. A place you can ask for help, a place you ask for an ear, a place you can be yourself.
After my friend was gone, I didn’t want another family, another friend to ever have to go through this kind of pain.
Never Alone! The motto I will live by. Because you are never alone. The void will never be filled and the questions will never be answered. All I wish I could change is to know then what I know now. I would have been there. I would have saw your pain. I would have asked how can I help!
Because of you, I will be a better person. I will be there for anyone in distress. If I can help, I will do my best to prevent anyone else from feeling this type of loss.
I was sitting in the tattoo chair and commented to my artist and friend about how nice the new shop is. I then asked what made him decide to move.
He explained to me, although making good money and being very busy, he found himself always stressed and busier with promoting the business, answering calls, and taking time to talk to walk in’s rather than actually doing what he loves, and that was tattooing.
Several hours into my session, I realized I’m in the same boat. My business has grown to bigger than I can handle. It’s also a business that requires the help of several employees. More important, it’s taken away from me what I love doing! I’m a cook, and I want to cook, and create meals that make people happy. I can not do this while trying to keep up with other peoples jobs and constantly worrying about promoting and advertising the business. I need to do a serious downgrade! I need to get back to doing what I love and I’m not sure it’s possible in my current position. The questions I have to ask myself, do I walk away and do my own thing? A food truck seems like a thing I could enjoy way more than a busy restaurant. For now, I have two years in me and I’ll give it my all until then. Then, I will be forced to decode a course of action and a career path that is stable enough me my family and I.
Share a story about the furthest you’ve ever traveled from home.
Back in 1999, I was on the tail end of my late 20’s and still bouncing around the east coast. Finally, a job opportunity arose, a potential career for me and no more living out of the back of my Jeep wondering which state I’d wake up in.
Saying my goodbyes to the longest roommate I’ve ever had, we decided a trip together was the best way to spend the next 30 days. So we made the decision to explore Italy.
We packed, we prepped and we headed to the airport. From Pittsburgh to Philadelphia, a fast 30 minute flight had us anticipating the next leg.
In the air again, we are over the Atlantic and in route to our next lay over. Landing in Paris with no time to take it all in, we were hurried and shuffled through customs and on to the next flight. Finally, landing in Rome, we made our way through the airport and secured a ride.
The real challenge. A ride to where? We ended up in downtown Rome putting off finding a spot to drop our bags and refresh, we immediately found a place to eat and drink. And eat and drink we did! At this point after some difficult conversations, we found a local hostile. We crashed! This is when the adventure began. We ended up backpacking the country and visiting every city in Italy. Calabria, where most of my family originated was beautiful and just what I wanted to see. Next, we humped it to Pompeii. Talk about a surreal experience. Seeing the ruins and remnants of Mount Vesuvius was one of my most emotional times of my life.
Back to Rome, and a tour of the Vatican. We braved the long lines and enjoyed the sights and sounds and even endured an hour long mass in St Peter’s Square. If you ever get an opportunity to visit, just stand there and stare up at the Sistine Chapel.
Naples was where we found some of our favorite hangouts and places to eat. One restaurant in Naples, instead of making us leave, let us finish our meals, then invited us to the basement for the owners daughters wedding. I mean, two American strangers eating and suddenly being rushed through the kitchen and down a narrow spiral staircase, we thought we were going to be the next human trafficking victims!
We danced and laughed and drank and even played the bongos with the band.
Malta, Lake Como, The Colosseum, Pisa, and a quick trip to Amsterdam and Prague complete our journey and back to Rome to book a flight home.
Europe and the Mediterranean Sea was one of the most amazing times of my life and I’ll never forget the adventures, the fun, the scary moments and the food we experienced.
This trip was the best goodbye to an old life one could ever ask for. Next up, back home, packing for the police academy to start my career and next adventure. This, a story for another time! Enjoy, and happy reading!
As a police officer in the city for several years, I never gave it much thought about what went down behind closed doors. I did my job and went back to work, never worrying about how the victims may feel.
Today, I now understand how the victims felt and feel. Not a criminal case, but in family court I am a victim.
Here in Jefferson County, defense and prosecuting attorneys are all buddies. They are more concerned about sipping their Mai tai’s together rather than actually helping clients. And trust me, these attorneys will do anything to avoid the obstacle standing in their way.
I employed a local attorney here in the city. We discussed everything from my expenses to fighting for being able to claim my child on my taxes. Court day finally approaching, I am ready and I assume my attorney is ready. Things are looking up.
Early morning court day, I receive the message, “no need to come to court”. Then I receive the message, “you need to agree to the terms of this adjusted order”. I questioned it and asked about the claiming of my son on yearly taxes. I was then told, I have to agree to the new support order or pay the full support order. What happened to my day in court?
Both attorneys met behind closed doors and decided what was best for me. They avoided the obstacle which was representing me to the fullest. I get screwed over and they remain friends all while collecting their payday.
I try a new attorney outside the city. I have high hopes as this attorney is considered one of better in the valley. Upon meeting with this new attorney, I was quickly advised of how he knows the obligor and how he uses the obligors attorney for some cases.
I was told to just “bite the bullet” and pay the money for the next two years.
Another dead end, another obstacle, and another attorney who doesn’t want to butt heads with a fellow friend.
The system is flawed. I am not a dead beat dad, I have paid for my son and supported him from day one and for the last 16 years. You name it, from school supplies to clothing to everyday needs, I have paid for it. As for the years of support, my son has not received a cent of it.
It’s a terrible mathematical formula and moms in Ohio just need to lie and hide things in fake LLCs, that way it can look like they are broke and need more money for their vanity.
The court will just give you the winning lottery ticket. No care in the world how it breaks the good dads.
The system isn’t fair, it’s a she said it, so it must be true system. The attorneys play with good people as if they’re a cheap toy.
A bit cliche maybe, but I blog to release my stress. To challenge myself with a new skill. To share my thoughts and concerns. I enjoy sharing with people and challenging myself with writing. I’ve found some peace in blogging and relaxation when I sit down to put my thoughts out there for others to read.
I used to think I was a strong person. A person who didn’t have stress or anxiety. I used to think I was a strong person…
I’m not sure what being a strong person is. Lately, I want to quit everything… I just want to go away, somewhere I can fit in and somewhere where I don’t have to be bothered, a place where no one will ask me questions or ask me to fix things. I don’t want to be the brains of everyone around me. I don’t want to have to do multiple jobs at once. I just don’t want to do anything anymore.
Being strong willed was something I may have used to be, but honestly, was I really strong willed? Or was I just pretending? Lately, I really fell like it was all a front.. as long as everyone around me thought I was stable, I must have been stable. Fucking chaos, is what it is. An energized ion…. that’s the feeling I have all the time. Walking at a snails pace, but living inside my head at warp speed.
I don’t know how to make it stop! I definitely don’t have the help or support around me to make it stop. I don’t have the help or support to pick up the slack.
See, I’m not strong at all…. I’m just another example of how one person can fool the world. I’m just me and it’s really not enough.
Fucking fantastic! I have two neighbors and we meet up typically three to four days a week and have drinks and a cigar. Life is good, or it appears so… as long as I have my friends and my time occupied, I feel great!!
Unfortunately, this is not a normally practice. Sometimes everyone is in and sometimes everyone is out.
My problem is, I struggle with the down time. I struggle with the loneliness, I struggle with the change. People change, life changes, change is inevitable and I know I have to accept it, but I don’t necessarily have to agree with it…. so while life and everything changes, I will stand strong here and keep up the fight.
Hard Lessons & Honest Thoughts 