Still Alive, Still Suffering… So No One’s Accountable?

Anyone who knows me knows one thing, I don’t like to sit still.

I’m always moving. Work, play, doesn’t matter. Sitting around has never been part of who I am.

So if you know me… you know I’m not just struggling right now, I’m barely holding it together.

I can’t work. I can barely drive and when I do, it’s honestly dangerous.

Watching TV? Forget it. The only way I can even tolerate it is laying down or slouched forward, forcing my head down just to avoid triggering the pain.

Because the second I’m upright…

A violent surge of pain and pins and needles that shoots through my arm and into my hand.

The only way I can describe it? It feels like high-voltage electricity is running through my arm.

And I don’t say this lightly, this is the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my life.

These blogs… they’re not just posts for fun. They’re my outlet. My pressure valve. Because without this release? My mind goes to some very dark places.

I’m not well. And I’m not even sure people understand how fast things are slipping mentally.

Even something as simple as walking Coda has become a challenge.

There’s no clear end in sight. No plan. No direction. No timeline.

At this point, I’m seriously looking at leaving the country for surgery… Panama, Mexico… wherever someone will actually do something.

And yeah, I hesitated. Draining savings for surgery in another country isn’t exactly a casual decision.

But let me ask you something… What’s the price of getting your life back?

I need to say something that not enough people see.

My wife. She works all day teaching. Which, let’s be honest, isn’t the same job it used to be. It’s harder. More stressful. More demanding.

And then? She goes straight to the restaurant. Not for a paycheck. Not for recognition.

She does it so the business doesn’t fall apart. She does it so someone’s there to answer questions. She does it to make sure everything’s handled, right down to checking that the ovens and fryers are turned off at night.

She asks for nothing. She doesn’t complain. She just… shows up.

Every single day.

So I’m asking, if you see her, be kind. Be patient. And if you’re able, help out where you can.

Because I promise you, this isn’t the life she imagined when she said “I do.”

This isn’t marriage. This isn’t spending time with your husband, this is struggling to stay afloat while everything around you crashes.

And yeah… I’ve been thinking about malpractice. Because where do you even go from here? My family can’t sue anyone, I’m still alive.

So what am I supposed to do?

Just keep going? Keep waiting? Keep suffering?

Let me walk you through what “doing everything right” looks like:

Chiropractor.

Primary care physician.

X-rays.

Physical therapy.

Neurosurgeon.

MRI.

Second neurosurgeon.

CT scan.

EMG.

Pain management.

Two epidural injections.

Orthopedic spine surgeon.

And somehow… Here I am. Sitting in my basement, unable to do much of anything but fight off the darkness.

While the people who were supposed to help me go home, enjoy their weekends, and live their lives.

I don’t know where the breakdown is. I don’t know why no one has a plan.

But I do know this… Something is wrong.

The MRI shows it. My body proves it.

And every day… it’s getting worse. And yet… nothing.

If you made it this far, thank you.

Seriously. Because right now, being heard means more than anything.

And if you didn’t make it this far…

Well, I guess you’ll never know how much I appreciated you anyway.

Lending Lies: Banks Create Debt

Let me tell you about one of the biggest financial scams that nobody calls a scam.

It’s not hidden. It’s not illegal. It’s just… accepted.

Banks don’t base your loan on what you actually make.
They base it on what you could make, before reality shows up and takes its cut.

The Illusion of Income

On paper, I make $8,000 a month.

Sounds great, right?
Responsible adult. Solid income. Let’s go buy something expensive.

Except… I don’t make $8,000 a month.

I make $6,042.88.

That’s what hits my account.
That’s what pays my bills.
That’s what buys groceries, keeps the lights on, and handles life when it inevitably takes a swing at you.

That $2,000 difference? Gone. Before I ever see it. But guess which number the bank uses?

Yeah. The fake one.

“You’re Approved!” (For a Life You Can’t Afford)

Banks will look at that $8,000 and say:

“Congratulations! You can afford this house.”

No… I can’t. What they’re really saying is: “You can survive this loan… if nothing goes wrong.”

And let’s be honest, when does nothing ever go wrong?

The furnace breaks
The car needs tires
Groceries jump another 20%
Life decides to get creative

And suddenly that “affordable” payment turns into a monthly panic attack.

The Dangerous Math Nobody Talks About

Here’s the part that should bother you.

Based on gross income, I could be approved for payments that would leave me nearly $2,000 short every single month based on what I actually take home.

Let that sink in. Not “a little tight.”
Not “cut back on takeout.”

Short. Every. Month.

And we wonder why people are drowning in debt.

The System Isn’t Broken… It’s Designed This Way

This is the part people don’t like to hear.

The system isn’t flawed. (Well, it kind of is) It’s working exactly as intended.

Basing loans on gross income:

Makes approvals easier
Makes loan amounts bigger
Makes banks more money over time

Meanwhile, you’re left trying to make real-life math work with imaginary numbers.

What Lending Should Look Like

Here’s a wild idea:

What if loans were based on what people actually take home?

Not pre-tax.
Not theoretical.
Not “before life happens.”

Real money. In your account.

Because that’s the only number that matters.

If I have $6,000 a month to live on, then every decision, every loan, every bill, every commitment, should come from that number.

Not some inflated version of it.

The Truth Nobody Puts in the Brochure

Just because a bank approves you… doesn’t mean you can afford it.

It means they can afford for you to try.

Final Thought

If you want to stay out of financial quicksand, stop asking:

“What will they give me?”

Start asking: “What can I live with… comfortably… when life isn’t playing nice?”

Because the difference between those two questions?

That’s the difference between owning your home…

…and your home owning you.

Where to Go: When the System Stops Listening

So I had my second epidural yesterday.

On my last visit, we actually had a solid conversation, one of those moments where you think, finally, we’re getting somewhere. The first epidural was done at the C6–C7 level and gave me absolutely no relief. Nothing. So I came prepared this time.

I explained my symptoms.
I referenced my MRI.
I pointed to what made sense.

Based on all of that, I asked for the next epidural to be done at C5–C6.

The PA agreed. We were on the same page. We scheduled it.

Simple. Logical. Aligned. Fast forward to today and it’s only been about half a day, and I’m sitting here feeling exactly the same… no relief. But this time, it’s different. This time there’s a reason nagging at me in the back of my mind.

Then the email comes in. Physician notes. Results. Documentation.

And there it is.

Despite the conversation.
Despite the agreement.
Despite everything I brought to the table…

The injection was done at C6–C7. AGAIN!

At what point does this stop being frustrating and start becoming unacceptable?

Because this isn’t just about pain anymore. It’s about being heard. It’s about a system that should work, where doctors look at imaging, listen to their patients, and connect the dots.

Look at the MRI.
Listen to the symptoms.
Follow the nerve pathways.

That’s not revolutionary thinking, that’s the baseline.

Shoulder and arm pain with paresthesia? The chart points straight to C5–C6. It’s right there. Not hidden. Not complicated. And yet somehow, my treatment journey has turned into a complete head scratcher.

So now I’m left asking a question I shouldn’t have to ask:

Do I even attempt a third epidural? Because right now, it doesn’t feel like a plan, it feels like a gamble.

And here’s where it gets even more frustrating…

West Virginia Public Employees Insurance Agency has a list of criteria to appeal their decisions on where you can go for treatment. One of those criteria?

https://www.facebook.com/share/1GD7Na5r4Q/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Failed treatment.

Let that sink in.

Two procedures. Zero relief. Clear misalignment in care.

And they still denied my request to go to UPMC for treatment.

So not only am I dealing with constant pain…
I’m also stuck in a system that requires failure before it allows you the chance to succeed.

At some point, you have to wonder… How many times do you have to be ignored before someone finally listens?

Facebook Friends List: An Explanation

I’ve talked before about what social media should be versus what it’s turned into.

With the recent wave of friend requests, it feels like the right time to explain my “80 Friends Rule.”

Here’s the deal.

Most of my Facebook friends are immediate family and a small circle of real-life connections. And honestly, if you have my phone number but choose to message me on Facebook… we need to have a different conversation. Use the number.

On the flip side, if you’re actively in my life… regular contact, real conversations, you already know what’s going on with me. You don’t need Facebook to keep up.

Now here’s where it gets interesting.

If you’re not in my inner circle but still enjoy my content, engage with my posts, and actually participate, then yeah, you might make the cut. But if you’re just quietly lurking? No likes, no comments, no interaction… you’re probably won’t be around long.

Facebook, to me, isn’t a spectator sport. It’s a participation platform.

And let’s address the wildest scenario… if you send me a friend request, then see me out somewhere like Kroger and have no idea who I am? Immediate deletion. No trial period. No appeal. Straight to unfriend.

Now, about the number.

At one point, I went through my list and landed on 80 people I genuinely couldn’t justify removing. That became the benchmark: family, close friends, and a few work-related connections who need access.

Anyone beyond that? Rotating roster.

I’m currently a little over 80, but give it a few days, that number corrects itself.

So here’s the deal. If you’re close to me, you don’t need Facebook to stay connected.

If you enjoy my content and engage with it, you’re welcome here.

If you’re just passing through or unsure why you’re here… that usually answers itself.

And if you were here and now you’re not. it’s not personal.

It just means you’re someone in my life who doesn’t need Facebook to know me.

If you do want to keep up with my blogs, you can always subscribe (for free) at https://baz0157.home.blog… no friend request required.

Checking In, Isn’t Always A Fix

Today is the worst of the days. I’ve done every test required of me and yet, I am still no closer to being fixed.

As a QPR person,

I have questioned, persuaded, and referred myself.

I’m not 100% sure why because I’m not suicidal, I don’t want to take my own life, however, I don’t want to live with this misery and pain anymore.

I don’t know where to go from here… I’ve spoken to the “experts” everyone always has the same responses.

For the past 12 years I’ve been the guy to answer calls, texts and provide the necessary help people needed. They say, you should check on your people and I’ve always done that.. I’ve always been the one to make sure people are ok.

But with that said, save your comments, your phone calls and your messages… there isn’t any amount of words that can make me feel better.

Want to meet up and talk about it? I can’t drive! Want to come over and chat? I can’t look you in the eye, because for any tiny amount of relief, I have to keep my head down and chin to my chest.

Living with this constant pain has taken the life from me already. I am unable to work, sit upright, drive, do any physical activity, or help my wife around the house. I feel as if I’m wasting away propped up on my couch.

I don’t know about anyone else, but this feeling is what make people go mad! My thoughts have been dark and disturbing and my mental health is at an all time low. Kind words do not fix things. Showing up doesn’t make the pain go away.

I am at a crossroads and I haven’t figured out what to do yet… but I can honestly say, this is the worst place I’ve ever been.

Doctor’s appointments are growing, distance travelled has surpassed a round trip drive to Texas and the bills, well, they’re nearing the $8000 mark. All that and not even one inkling of a hint someone has a treatment or solution for me. Hell, the first five doctors I’ve seen haven’t even shown an ounce of care or compassion, just dismissal. Makes you wonder, are they in the field for the challenges and to help people, or just the pay check??

If you need to talk, the 988 Lifeline is here.

THC > Alcohol

THC–Infused Drinks For The Win

Let me start with this… everyone’s different.

We all process things a little differently, so what I feel might not be exactly what you feel. But if you’re asking what it’s like for me after a Nowadays drink… pull up a chair.

It usually takes about 10 to 15 minutes before I start to feel some effects kicking in.

At first, I’m sitting at the bar, listening to everyone talk about busted brackets. It’s March Madness, hoops are on and everyone’s yelling at the TV like the players can hear us.

Then it happens. Not all at once, but suddenly I realize… I’m not really watching the game anymore.

Now, I’m looking at the TV. Not what’s on it… the TV itself. How did they even get that thing up there?

Is there a special guy for that? Like… a “bar TV installation specialist”?

And now I’m thinking… Is it a nightmare to plug anything in?

Do they have to climb up? Is there a ladder? Is there a system??

Meanwhile, there’s still a game going on… allegedly.

But my brain? It’s gone exploring. That’s the feeling.

It’s not overwhelming. It’s not chaotic. It’s just… relaxed curiosity.

Your mind loosens its grip a little. You drift. Things get interesting in a different way.

You might start wondering about the players. Are any of them getting high after the game?

Is college life for them anything like it was for us?

And then, out of nowhere, your brain cuts through everything with the most important question of the night:

“Anyone wanna get a pizza?”

That’s when you know you’ve fully arrived.

For me, it’s a smooth, enjoyable high that hangs out for a few hours. No harsh edge. No next-day regret. No waking up feeling like you got hit by a truck.

Just a good time, a little mental wandering, and maybe a pizza run you didn’t plan on.

Again, everyone’s different.

But if you ever find yourself more interested in how the TV got mounted than the game itself…

Yeah. It kicked in.

My Wishlist

An Unhealthy Way to Manage

Today’s blog is an angry rant. A painful, physically and mentally painful testament to why being in charge of people is an unhealthy stressor. How the constant repetition of explaining and showing how to do things is tiresome to the point of extreme exhaustion.

Reliability is at an all time low. Accountability is nonexistent. I wish making excuses and not owning up to wrongdoings was a fireable offense!

I wish employees would do their actual jobs and stop conducting their personal business while on company time.

I wish I could convey these messages and people hear them, believe in them and actually respond and do them.

I wish, because as a child we grow up fast and are taught to believe and make wishes. I’d rather be taught at a young age that failure is real and relying on others will break you!

I wish, I could stop wishing… I write because this is my release and my way to vent… I can type without being interrupted.

Confidence doesn’t exist in people anymore. Belief in oneself is a missing trait and because of that most work is incomplete or incorrect.

My final wish is to see an influx in solid, confident and skilled workers who accept accountability and put the business first before online shopping, family matters, chatting up strangers and friends and ignoring phone calls.

It’s all wishful thinking, not because I don’t think people exist out there who do the job right, but because I don’t think many people out there actually care…..

From Passenger to Problem

A Driving Reality Check

There comes a time in life when we all stop being passengers and become drivers.

In our early teens, the urge starts creeping in… the desire to be behind the wheel. We watch our parents drive, listen to their instructions, and witness their occasional meltdown when another driver does something unbelievably stupid.

Then it happens. Sixteen.

Driver’s education becomes a rite of passage. We learn the basics… road signs, speed limits, lane changes, vehicle control. All the rules that are supposed to keep us, and everyone else alive.

But let’s be honest… nothing really prepares you like actually being on the road.

As young drivers, we’re susceptible to peer pressure, distractions, the need to fit in. Most of us have had at least one “that was a bad idea” moment behind the wheel. Hopefully, we learn. Hopefully, we grow.

As adults, we should be better. We’re supposed to set the example. Be the standard. The calm, predictable drivers that make the roads safer for the next generation.

But somewhere along the way… something goes sideways.

Because the same people who sit around tables, at home or at their favorite restaurant, complaining about “idiots on the road”… are often the exact same ones out there creating the chaos.

No signals. Bad lane changes. No awareness. Extreme high speeds or so slow they create bigger issues. And my personal favorite… zero common sense.

It’s like the second some people move from the couch to the driver’s seat, their IQ files for early retirement.

So here’s the deal:

It doesn’t matter if you’re 16 or 76, driving demands respect.

Awareness of the people around you isn’t optional. It’s the bare minimum. Every decision you make behind the wheel affects someone else.

So buckle up. Pay attention. Be better.

And if that’s too much to ask?

Stay home… or grab a bus pass.

Because driving isn’t a right. It’s a privilege.

And some people are way overdue for a suspension.

Growth Over Ego

The moment you stop defending… is the moment you start improving

“I used to think being right meant I was winning. Turns out, it just meant I wasn’t learning.”

Back in the 90’s, my family owned a small dive bar in Follansbee, West Virginia. Behind the bar hung a simple sign:

“Politics, religion, and high school football are prohibited.”

Not because those topics weren’t important, but because they were guaranteed to turn a conversation into an argument, and an argument into something worse. Everyone had an opinion. More importantly, everyone believed theirs was the right one.

Looking back now, that sign wasn’t really about avoiding conflict.
It was about managing ego.

And ego shows up everywhere.

It shows up in business.
It shows up in leadership.
It definitely shows up when you’re dealing with people.

I’ve seen it firsthand with staff over the years. You can explain exactly how you want something done… clearly, repeatedly, and still watch people default back to their own way. It’s easy in those moments to think, “They’re not listening.”

But growth forces you to ask a harder question:
“Am I communicating this in a way that actually connects?”

Because leadership isn’t about being right. It’s about being understood.

Before owning a business, I spent time in law enforcement. And like a lot of people in that field, confidence comes with the territory. You have to trust your instincts and make decisions quickly.

But there’s a fine line between confidence and ego.

If I’m being honest, there were times I didn’t think I was wrong, often enough to cost me opportunities to learn. And I saw others take it even further, where being right wasn’t just a belief… it was their identity. And that’s a dangerous place to live.

Because the moment your identity is tied to being right, you stop being open to being better.

One of the best reminders I’ve come across didn’t come from business or law enforcement… it came from the mats.

At my jiu-jitsu gym, there’s a decal on the front door:

“Leave Your Ego At The Door.”

And inside one of my gis, it says:

“Flow without ego.”

You can’t learn if you’re trying to prove something. You can’t improve if you’re too busy defending yourself.

The mat has a way of humbling you real quick. It doesn’t care about your opinions, your past, or your excuses. It just shows you where you stand and where you need to grow.

That lesson applies everywhere.

In conversations.
In leadership.
In life.

There’s a quote from Charlie Kirk that fits this idea well:

“You should be constantly testing your beliefs against others. If your ideas are strong, they’ll hold up. If they’re not, you’ve just learned something.”

That’s the shift. Ego wants to win the argument. Growth wants to understand why it was wrong.

And the truth is, most of us walk around thinking we’re open-minded… until we’re challenged. That’s when ego shows up. That’s when we defend instead of listen. Someone once told me, “it’s hard to listen when your mouth is always open” They weren’t wrong.

But if you can pause in that moment, just long enough to ask, “What if I’m missing something?” That’s where real growth starts.

Not in proving a point. But in being willing to reconsider it. Because at the end of the day, being right doesn’t make you better.

Getting better does.

So the next time you feel the need to defend your position… ask yourself—are you protecting your ego, or pursuing growth?

If A Friend Asks For Help, You Help Them

Anyone who has watched the TV series Letterkenny knows the show is full of great one-liners. The kind that make you laugh, rewind, and repeat them for weeks, maybe even years.

But one line from the show has always stuck with me more than the others:

“When a friend asks for help, you help them.”

It sounds simple. Almost too simple. But the older I get, the more I realize how rare that mindset actually is.

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I take certain things in life a little more seriously than most people. But when it comes to helping friends, acquaintances, or even complete strangers, if someone needs help, I get up and go.

I wasn’t always like this. Somewhere along the road of life, something changed in me.

I think a big part of that shift came after my best friend took his own life. Losing someone like that forces you to look at the world differently. It makes you pay attention to the quiet struggles people carry. It makes you realize how important it is to show up for people.

I know one thing without a doubt, Mikey was always there. No matter what, if anyone needed help, he showed up.

I just wish we all could have been there for him when he needed us the most.

That’s when I started my Acknowledge. Care. Tell. page and got my QPR certification so I could help others who might be struggling. Most of that work focuses on mental health, but the truth is helping people doesn’t stop there.

If someone needs help, physical, emotional, whatever…. I try to be there.

A best friend bought a new house and needed a massive stair chair lift removed. The kind of job that makes you question your life decisions halfway through it. Heavy, awkward, and absolutely miserable to move.

But he asked for help. So I showed up.

Another time a friend got his truck buried deep in a mud hole in the woods in Fernwood Forest. His call for help came at 2 a.m. Most people would roll over and let that phone go to voicemail.

Instead, I grabbed the keys to my old Toyota 4×4 and headed out into the forest to pull him out.

I even helped my brother-in-law shovel his deck after a snowstorm while I was still in a sling after surgery. Mostly so my sister wouldn’t be mad.

Because that’s the rule. When a friend asks for help, you help them.

Now here’s the part I’ve noticed over the years. Not everyone lives by that rule.

Some people won’t get off the couch. Some people suddenly become “busy.” Some people are great at accepting help but mysteriously unavailable when the roles reverse.

And I’m not saying that to complain. It’s just something you start to notice if you pay attention. You quietly keep a mental note of who shows up… and who doesn’t when the bat signal goes out.

But here’s the thing. You shouldn’t help people because you expect something in return. You help because it’s the right way to live.

And if there’s one piece of advice I can give anyone reading this, it’s this:

If a friend asks for help… you help them.

It might be inconvenient. It might be heavy. It might be 2 a.m. in the woods.

But showing up for people is one of the simplest and most powerful things we can do in this life.